Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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