Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
