Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
