There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
