so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
