So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
