Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize