I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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