The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
