Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
not ubering you a puppy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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