Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think my moral compass just broke
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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