im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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