Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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