woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
