Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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