Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
