I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You smell like stripper and shame
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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