Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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