Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
