I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
