So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
