why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
