I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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