I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
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My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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