Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
