Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
