So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
