I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
handjob tips. give me some.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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