he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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