you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
