it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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