he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We were destined to go to rehab together
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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