it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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