Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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