like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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