my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Say something about gay babies.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
