I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
