I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
