So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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