3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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