i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
