I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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