End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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