My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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