So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the liver wants what the liver wants
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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