My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
