He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
