u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
