i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
