so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
