1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
