I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
