my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
