If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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