Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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