i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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