I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
