Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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