It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
