So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
