I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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