this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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