Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
