i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
