Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
