I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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