Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
