Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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