You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
