so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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