Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
