My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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