Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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