you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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