I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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