My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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